I have heard these words inside me

The narrator of the Gateways of Light video says that we are coming to some type of major defining moment in our history and “those people who are meant to unfold through this are unfolding and are doing it pretty rapidly.”

Words similar to those above were said to me about 15 years ago when I got back on this yogic and spiritual path. The first time I talked with a spiritual adept she stopped and looked me in the eyes. She said that the world as we know it will seem to split into two camps, and that those who have been working on their inner life will ascend while the others…well, it will take them a bit longer, so maybe not in their present lifetimes. Then she said, “and you will be part of this ascension on a global level, part of the new paradigm.” At the time I said nothing and took it with a grain of salt, merely nodding my head. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday.

I’ve had more than few conversations like that in 15 years, and things that were told to me have come to fruition, slowly but surely. Even before India was a thought in my mind a vedic astrologer told me that I would experience “divine grace” around 2010. At the time I did not even know what divine grace meant so I shrugged it off.

But I will be at the Kumbh Mela next year, the “great festival of the pot of nectar of immortality”, on an auspicious day and I’ve known in my bones for a long time that something will happen to me. I can’t say what, but something is calling me there like nothing else has ever done. I can’t explain it so I just let it be. I surrender. I have felt the shakti in certain temples in South India and have broken down. I surrendered. I’ve even thought that maybe I will die in India, and if so, all things happen for a reason. At least I will be on the Ganges and my body can be burned.

The narrator speaks of the disconnectedness of this world and I have seen this more and more in even long time yoga students, their disconnection from their bodies, the fear of closing their eyes. Students I’ve been teaching for over 5 years are suddenly like beginners again and they have no explanation. It is as if they have become afraid to feel.

I truly believe that all the turmoil that is happening in the world today is meant to be — the economy, the layoffs, the environment. This Kali Yuga is a cycle. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can begin the climb back up. Sometimes you have to lose everything in order to wake up.

My time on the cushion now brings me much more satisfaction than asana ever did. Sure I feel good physically after asana practice, but it’s always a dance between forms and formlessness. As Gary Kraftsow said, “…yoga isn’t about getting to know the postures. It’s about getting to know yourself.” In the past month I have a felt a new spaciousness inside me that was not there before and I know that what I do now will culminate on February 12, 2010. I know this in my bones as well as I know my name.

All I can do is surrender.


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7 thoughts on “I have heard these words inside me

  1. Linda, thanks for your blog. I have been practising yoga for a while now and I recently got into the Vinyasa Yoga, as taught by Srivatsa Ramaswami. I read through your blogs and noticed that he is your guru, so let me ask you some guidance. Where can I find information on how to use Bandhas when practising asanas. I mean, which of the three locks go with which postures?? thanks in advance, Sridhar email : sridhar_viswanath@gmail.com

  2. Thanks for sharing, Linda. I think it is very brave to share these kinds of feelings with the world. Sometimes I feel this kinds of things but keep them to myself (except for one, close friend), but then again, I live with an atheist and so am used to these things being put down and reduced to irrationality and false.

  3. This was a thoughtful inspired post. I agree, life is a cycle and we must move and cleanse and learn from it :)I also am curious about bandhas and how to use them. I think I may slightly understand the mula bandha… maybe. I find it difficult to keep them locked after I begin movement…Perhaps you have already posted on this- I will investigate your blog! :)Blessings!

  4. “I have a felt a new spaciousness inside me” –So do I..The yoga I practice is Silence or “Mouna”Sometimes you have to lose everything in order to wake up. When the acceptance came over, silence came over and when silence came over — I feel the spaciousness inside me …Peace & Luv

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