the best writing about yoga in a long time

I’ve been writing this blog since 2005 and I’ve come across many yoga blogs over the years — some great, some not so much, some to which I am indifferent, i.e., those I read once and never return. We all have our tastes and I know that this blog is too snarky for some, maybe not foo-foo-peace-love-dove enough about yoga for others, and that’s fine. I’ve been criticized for not sugar-coating my words, for not being “yogic” enough, for being too bold and brash, and frankly, for being too me. That’s fine because I know that neither my yoga (not hard enough) nor I (not gentle enough) are everyone’s cup of chai in the blogosphere or in real life. At my age, ask me if I care.

But today I found The Magazine of Yoga and I am hooked.  Maybe some of you know it already, but I can’t stop reading the articles.  I especially loved this post about teaching: Tired, Uninspired, and Teaching Yoga. Some pithy remarks from the post:

“In teacher’s everyone life there are times the problem is more intractable or more existential, sometimes both at the same time.

My personal prejudice about this is that if you are serious at all about teaching, it’s going to happen to you. I have never had a bad teacher ask me what do about boredom, exhaustion, or doubt….

….If we are ever going to develop the emotional maturity to rise to our full potential as human beings we’re going to have to go through feeling abandoned, mistaken, dubious, and afraid.

Holy Shiva, did that sentence resonate with me…the times I have felt abandoned and mistaken on this path are more than I care to count. I have felt so alien in my local yoga world you can call me ET. So reading these last two lines…

“‘Get up and go out in the world,’ she [Eve Ensler] said, ‘and do what you came here to do.’

Because there’s more to the practice than asana, there’s life.”

…recharged me.

As did a new private student today…because there’s more to the practice than asana, there’s real life, yoga warts and all.

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feeding my soul

Over the weekend I went to a talk on yoga psychology by Uma Krishnamurthy. She is a psychiatrist, a yogi, and an accomplished Bharatanatyam dancer. One of my favorite things that she said was not about yoga but about dance: if you are angry, dance. To help dissolve your ego, direct your anger to God, and dance. Then you will forget what you are angry about.

Uma quoted from the Gita, the Vedas, and the Yoga Sutras, from Ramakrishna and Aurobindo and Krishnamurthi. Her lecture on how yoga and the ancient teachings teach us about the true purpose of yoga which is personal transformation was so inspiring to me, yet I left her talk feeling a bit depressed.

Her talk made me feel as if I were in India again listening to my teachers at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram. Yet, I left depressed because I feel sometimes that I am the lone voice in the wilderness where I live insofar as getting the personal transformation message out there. I left with the feeling that I don’t belong here, that my ideas on yoga are too “out there.” The feeling that I don’t belong here is so overwhelming at times that it tears at my heart and soul. But that feeling also makes me grateful for my private students who come to my house because they are so dedicated to change and to their practice.

One of my former private students, a business entrepreneur, once told me that it’s hell being a pioneer, that it’s much easier being a follower because the pioneer is the one who gets the arrows shot up her ass. Take that advice for what it’s worth. I will write more later about Uma Krishnamurthy’s lecture.

I told my husband when I got home that the truth that is held in the ancient teachings that Uma spoke about was the reason I travel to India — it nourishes me like no other place does and I can’t explain it. This post comes the closest to an explanation.

I think I will put on some music and dance.

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feel good friday

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to listen to Macy Gray. Up until very recently her music reminded me of an extremely painful time I went through a few years ago, an incident that manifested PTSD. So I look at my posting of her new video as a small victory. And I liked the title.

I taught my favorite class last night, my karma yoga at a domestic violence shelter. Despite what y’all read here about yoga economics, who signs up for workshops, yoga studio owners, whatever, it’s not all about that. I love the ladies there because they are my teachers AND they understand intuitively the true purpose of yoga and meditation. They are grateful and beautiful and amazing and we empower each other.

And…my gardens rock!

This photo is from last year. I added new prayer flags in the gardens and seeing them outside my kitchen window every morning makes me smile intensely and immensely. It’s going to be hot and steamy today and I’ll still be out there digging in the dirt because life is too short.

As for everything else….what I say, what I write, my life, my path, I can only be true to myself. This blog is a combination of the sacred and the profane just like I am. If that makes someone uncomfortable, oh well. Go read Eat Pray Love instead.

From a non-conformist business newsletter I get:

“…if what you’re doing is truly innovative, not everyone will understand in the beginning, and maybe you should just go for it. Lately I’ve been thinking about what Henry Ford said: ‘If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said ”faster horses.””

From a student:

“While not everyone is ready for you, those that are will garner great experiences and make important adjustments in their life because of you and your impact.”

Yeah, I need these reminders.

Beauty in the world, yo.

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a high level of confusement

The warehouse manager at my husband’s company once told The Hubs that he (the manager) had a high level of confusement. 😉 🙂

I’m throwing the question out there: as a yoga student, do you get confused when you experience a style of yoga you are not familiar with? Or do you just go with flow and if it resonates with you that’s fine, and if not, that’s fine too?

The reason I ask is that a yoga studio owner gave me that reason as to why he did not feel comfortable with me doing a workshop. He thought his students would get “confused.”

HUH?

As a teacher getting my name out there in my area, I send a lot of emails to studios asking if they would like to offer one of my workshops. It’s a simple, standard email introduction of myself, giving them my website link, stating what I can offer, giving them a link to news articles about me, things like that. It’s a standard business introduction. A yoga teacher friend told me that when she took a “business of yoga” workshop, the presenter said that you have to get your name in front of people at least 7 times before they connect with you. Sometimes yoga studio owners tell me “let’s do it!”, but for the most part I never hear from them. Not even a “thanks, but no thanks” response. As my husband the Big Shot Corporate Guy has told me, a lot of small business owners have really crappy personal business skills. They may know what they’re doing in their business, but as for people skills, forget it.

This week I heard from one local studio owner who said that he would feel more comfortable if I spent time at his studio getting to know his style and “methods” so that I could “get an understanding of where the students are coming from.” Then he said, “I don’t mind if students seek out other styles on there own, but if I’m going to offer it to them [workshops], I feel it is my responsibility to offer programing that keeps into alignment [sic] with the other offerings so as to not confuse the students.”

HUH?

Now I have a high level of confusement.

The website states that the studio is an “intimate studio that creates a safe environment for exploration into the yogic arts.” OK, sounds good to me, which is why I emailed the owner. I happen to know that the owner is heavily Iyengar influenced because a long time ago one of my former students also practiced with this teacher. The studio is not specifically an Iyengar yoga studio and the classes are advertised as simply being yoga classes, not Iyengar yoga classes.

I was amused by the owner’s email. I must say that this was the first time anyone ever told me that I should spend time at their studio getting to know their style and methods. From the class descriptions on the website, I don’t understand how the owner would think that what I do is so wildly different from his offerings. Obviously I am not going to send my workshop proposals to name-branded studios that only offer Bikram or Anusara yoga or to strict Iyengar yoga studios!

In my response to him I said (tongue in cheek) that I think I know a little bit about classical yoga and therapeutic yoga since I study at Desikachar’s school every year. I said that I am certainly familiar with Iyengar yoga and while it is not a style I have studied in depth, I’ve attended many Iyengar yoga classes over the years. My own teacher in Chicago studied at an Iyengar Institute and also with Pattabhi Jois. If he had taken the time to read my website (and from his response my gut tells me that he did not — or maybe he did and he was confused!), he would have seen that I’ve been around the yoga block more than a few times.

I told him that to me, yoga is yoga, and it all comes from the same source which in this modern yoga era is Sri Krishnamacharya. I said that this was the first time I had heard a studio owner say that students might get “confused” if they experience a style of yoga that is different from what they are used to doing. Wouldn’t taking my workshop be their choice anyway? If they are curious they will take it, if not, they will pass on it.

I asked him to explain why he thought his students would be confused because I was honestly perplexed by his statement.

In any event, I said that the testimonials from my students speak for themselves on my website, so if he would like to offer his students the gift of another style of yoga that may further them along their path, to contact me in the future.

I will let you know his response.

If it’s not too confusing.

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where’s the money?

YogaDork blogged that Lulu-NO THICK GIRLS ALLOWED-lemon had their best ever financial quarter. The company “plans to open 30 new showrooms and up to 15 new stores this year” Lulu-NO FAT BOTTOM GIRLS HERE-lemon said that “net revenues for the quarter ended May 2 were $138.3 million…” and “ended the quarter with $173.6 million in cash and cash equivalents compared with $59.3 million at the end of the first quarter of fiscal 2009.”

That’s a lot of clothes. That’s some serious coin.

Yoga Journal has always told us that there are millions of yoga practitioners in the United States spending millions of dollars on yoga paraphernalia, teacher trainings, you name it. Speaking only about teacher trainings, we all know that they can start around $2,000 (that’s an inexpensive one) and go well beyond $10,000. Sarah Powers started the Insight Yoga Institute and while the training sounds absolutely wonderful, it costs approximately $15,000.00 to complete.

Sarah, along with other teachers, also started the philanthropic Metta Journeys which travels to Rwanda and benefits Women for Women International. The Rwanda trip costs $5,745 with a $1,000 donation to Women for Women International. The cost does not include airfare and depending on where you live in the United States it could cost you $2,000 to fly to Africa.

Of course we have all seen the ads in yoga magazines for all types of yoga retreats taught by people you’ve never heard of and you can google “yoga retreats” and find literally hundreds all over the world. My teacher in Chicago is offering a yoga vacation in Italy costing $1,340-$1,880; a 10 day yoga vacation to Peru costing $3,140-$3,950; and his 19th yoga vacation in Mexico for $1,700-$2,800.00. None of his trips include airfare and as far as I know, he has never had to cancel a trip due to a lack of students.

(And yes I know I have just given everyone free advertising; would that I get the same from someone for my yoga endeavors.)

My question is: where’s the money?

In other words, who is going on all these trips to all these places for yoga?

The reason I ask is that I have an opportunity to teach in Bali for 10 days, two classes a day. If only 6 people came I would get my lodging and airfare paid for. If 7+ people came I would get paid a certain amount per person. It’s a legitimate offer from a reputable person and it sounds totally sweet, doesn’t it?

So why am I not foaming at the mouth with delight?

Because the last time I taught overseas not one person from the United States signed up for what I offered.

You may remember my Africa trip, my yin-yang yoga weekend with a seva component:

“The cost of the retreat was $1,108.00 and I was taking $108 from each westerner for the Seva Foundation. It was hoped that the founders of the clinic, Dr. Paul Courtright and Dr. Susan Lewallen, would be able to give us a tour of the facility. I thought it was a win-win situation for everyone involved…yoga + meditation + buddhadharma + seva under the African sky.

But no one signed up.

At least no one from the West. I sent my announcement to over 100 people around the United States, advertised it on Facebook and Twitter, and put an ad in a Chicagoland yoga magazine that has a circulation of over 20,000. The Seva Foundation put an announcement on their website’s home page. But not one person showed any interest in spite of the charitable component of the retreat.”

That’s why I am not jumping for joy at this latest offer for me to teach overseas. My Africa weekend was not that expensive relatively speaking because it included everything: yoga plus lodging and food and I told people where to get discounted flights to Tanzania.

The Bali retreat organizer has a client database of over 1,000 people but I hesitate to spend any money on advertising (i.e., another $500 ad in the local yoga magazine) because frankly, what happened last time (or should I say did not happen) felt like a kick in the teeth (and this is the first time I’m saying it out loud.) I advertised to literally over 20,000 people via print ad, my business newsletter, and of course social networking, but zilch. I can understand no one wanting to fly to Africa. What I don’t get is not one person expressing one iota of interest.

I believe that even in a bad economy there are people with disposable income. They’re spending it on $100 yoga pants. Obviously. Just ask Lulu.

I understand how someone with children can’t take off for 10 days, but I also know people (including teachers) who can’t commit to a weekend of yoga in their own backyard. For the most part, people who do yoga (and this includes teachers) tell me that any type of yoga trip is too expensive for them even in the United States. “It’s the economy,” stupid.

Maybe the lack of response to my thing was because I live in the Midwest, not the trendiest part of the country even if it is Chicago. Maybe it’s because I don’t do the fancy arm balances or kick someone’s yoga butt and that’s what people want. Maybe I really don’t have anything to offer.

So I ask again: where all the yoga peeps with money that I keep hearing about? Who is going on all these retreats?

Someone is because I see photos of lots of smiling faces at Kripalu or Omega or Esalen or Land of the Medicine Buddha or (fill in the blank.) I don’t see a dearth of people here.

Where’s the yoga money?

sh*t a crazy old yogini says

You’ve heard about the twitter and Facebook phenom “Sh*t My Dad Says” (which I love by the way)?

Then welcome to the newest feature of this blog: Sh*t a Crazy Old Yogini Says.

“Practice itself is the vehicle of enlightenment. There are those rare among us who instantly become self-realized, but for the rest, it takes work.

I’ve heard the Dalai Lama say that westerners think too much, we are always lost in thought. A daily diet of words stirs up the mind, which in and of itself is not necessarily bad. But there is the risk that students will practice with their brains instead of their guts and thereby become enmeshed in the dharma instead of liberated by it.”

I like Susie Essman playing me in the TV pilot.

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oldie but a goodie

Decided to republish this when a reader told me that she felt “liberated” after reading it.

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show up and shut up

The yoga/Hindu wars started in the articles by Deepak Chopra and Aseem Shuklah that YogaDork posted here and here. I think the comments are longer than the articles themselves.

Now the fracas has spilled over to here and here over at elephantjournal even getting into the Aryan Invasion of India theory which is a whole ‘nother kettle of fish. Yawn.

I’m here to bring it back.

I’m here to keep it real.

Like Brenda told me on my birthday, “keep kickin’ it and staying real…” So this one’s for you, Brenda.

This is the only yoga I care about: paz yoga. And I’ve been keeping it real for these women for a long time.

I can assure you that these women don’t care about the Gita, the Vedas, the Upanishads, whether a yogi is a Hindu or vice versa.

They could not care less about how Lululemon pants help your camel toe (some show up to my class wearing jeans) and they’ve never heard of any of your favorite show biz yoga rock stars. Ana who? John who? Shiva who?

And they certainly don’t care about any celeb-yogis. But they love it when I tell them to move their hips like Shakira.

Show up on your mat, shut up, and do your practice.

You do your yoga and I’ll do mine.

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the ups and downs of teaching and why common sense ain’t too common

“Repeated frustrations and disappointments, Sama, are always a reflection of repeated misunderstandings and presumptions. Oh, darn.” – The Universe

Some of the most frequent search phrases for this blog are about “teaching yoga” or “how much does a yoga teacher make” or “I want to teach yoga.” I’ve written before about the trials and tribulations about teaching for yoga studio owners, so this is another taste of what real life yoga teaching is all about. Gather ’round, children.

Besides teaching privately, I also teach at two community colleges and rent a room at a massage therapy business. I will be gone for two months next year so I needed to get subs for my classes. The two colleges are covered and the persons in charge of my classes are very thankful that I did not leave them in the lurch; both wished me well and told me they would welcome me back, no problem. In fact one woman told me that I was the best yoga teacher they could ever have….sigh (hug.)

Some of you may recall my misadventure with a young studio owner which prompted me to find the room that I rent. I started teaching in this space in January and the dedicated yin students followed me there from the studio.

As a renter I am under no delusion that I will be there forever. You rent at the whim of the landlord. It seemed like a great fit since the owner does massage, reiki, has meditation classes, etc.

When I started using his space the first thing I did was invite him to my class on Sunday mornings to experience what yin yoga is all about and to learn more about me. I thought he would be all into it considering he is a massage therapist and teaches meditation classes (in other words, he talks the talk.) He never did.

I told him that I study yoga therapy at one of the leading yoga schools in the world, so I encouraged him to suggest yoga therapy to his clients. I encouraged him to promote the fact that he had a highly trained yoga teacher working out of his space and it could be a win-win situation for both of us. The situation that I describe can really be the best of both worlds for a yoga teacher and a holistic practice if there is communication and give and take between the parties. During the year I also suggested different workshops but he never showed any interest. I am the only yoga in this small town, which will soon have no yoga. A big fish in a little pond with lots of room for growth. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to have my own meditation center that offers yoga (instead of the other way around), I can not afford to rent a space large enough to do this.

I said that I would be gone for two months and asked whether it would be OK to continue the classes (my students were already worried about what would happen to the classes) with my friend subbing. After all, it’s not my place, so I teach there at his whim. I asked three times about it and I never received a response. I finally received this email:

“When Metta-Yoga started at the Center, I was thinking about it more from the perspective that it would be of benefit to some of the Center clients. So far, it doesn’t seem like there has been very many that have taken up on the opportunity. The additional exposure would have been nice too, but as far as I can tell, there have only been one or two students who have sought sessions. Also, I need to start teaching classes on Saturday and Sunday days which would end up conflicting with the class room use on Sunday. From a philosophical perspective, I am slightly more comfortable referring clients to a style of Yoga such as Svaroopa as it is more spinal and joint opening then core strengthening. I think a restorative / repairative style would be more attractive to some of my older, chronically impaired clients who have spinal & joint issues. Therefore, I am thinking that at the end of the year we should end the use of the space for the classes you are teaching.”

Now let me break down this email for you, kids….

1. Other than being mentioned on the center’s website, to my knowledge my sessions were never advertised to their database, so how would his clients know what I offer and take advantage of it? I always asked whether my new sessions would be announced and I never received any response. In fact, I used to teach two classes and had to drop one because of lack of attendance. I also could not depend on coverage in the local paper — the editor told me my press release could always be superseded by an announcement for let’s say…a hog calling contest. ahem.

2. As for needing to use the room, I understand that, it’s his space.

3. My students did not utilize his services, which is too bad, but I could not help that.

4. But as for the part in bold….HUH?!?

Like I said, even after more than a few invitations the owner never came to my class (which he could have taken for free!) or ever asked me what I teach or how I teach, so he had no basis for making that statement. Yin yoga is “core strengthening”? Whaaaat?

As for Svaroopa yoga, I started becoming suspicious when I saw cards for a Svaroopa yoga teacher next to my cards on the front desk. Hmmmmmm, I thought, what’s that all about? I know nothing about that style of yoga, only that it uses chairs and lots of props and is considered restorative. But my point is: the owner never made any attempt to learn what I do or what I can offer.

“Spinal and joint opening”? This was my response to that:

“I do not teach a style of yoga that is “core strengthening.” I invited you a number of times to come experience yin yoga, but you never did.

All yoga is “spinal and joint opening” just as all yoga is therapeutic if applied in the right manner. In fact, the style of yin yoga is not only practiced by senior citizens with limited mobility, but is also used in addiction and trauma recovery programs. The concept of “yin” means that it is “still” as opposed to “yang” or moving.”

Common sense tells me that if I, a holistic practitioner, was renting space to a yoga teacher with my training in yoga, yoga therapy, meditation, and energy work, that I would want to take advantage of that and work with that person to grow both our businesses. He would have been the only alternative therapy business for miles around to offer yoga therapy. As my friend who was going to sub for me told me, his loss. But common sense ain’t too common anymore. What was I thinking?!?

Don’t kid yourselves. As much as we yoga teachers like to think that yoga has gone mainstream, that people will be rushing to yoga therapy, or that other holistic practitioners will knock down your doors begging for your services…think again.

So let this be a lesson for you, children, on the ups and down of yoga teaching. But am I upset? Actually I’m not. For some reason that I have yet to figure out, I am relieved. Sure it was a nice chunk of change every 6-8 weeks, but the energy was off. When I offer my services to someone and say let’s work together, and I am not respected and worse, underestimated, it’s time to get the hell out.

This yoga business journey has shown me time and time again to do my own thing and don’t count on (and never completely trust) anyone but me. The words of my astrologer keep ringing in my ears: find my own tribe.

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slipping over the edge

What is it about “restorative yoga” that gets me so agitated?

I wrote here about my experience with restorative yoga at my Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training at Spirit Rock. I definitely was not the only person who had a strong reaction (aversion) to the practice and I believe it was because of what we were doing — sitting for many hours every day — that made a restorative yoga practice inappropriate for our situation.

I know that there are many people who love this style of yoga and I also understand how it is very beneficial for some and in certain situations, recovering from an illness for example. Some people think yin yoga is a “restorative” practice but I believe that is a huge misunderstanding. I can easily stay in supta virasana for 15 minutes in a yin class with no agitation whatsoever — my mind is as still as a placid pond. Yin yoga is not restorative yoga, different concepts are involved.

But once you add three blankets, two bolsters, a strap, two blocks, and shoulderstand on a chair, I start grinding my teeth. There is something about fiddling around with all those props that puts me over the edge.

I went to a class this morning that is taught in the style of Rod Stryker. The teacher announced “because of the time change and the full moon” (huh? I don’t even pay attention to the moon phases) “this will be a restorative class.” I almost walked out, but out of respect for the teacher, I did not. I’m not dissing the teacher — she’s an excellent teacher and I’ve known her a long time…it was the yoga. And my reaction to it.

I was on edge throughout the entire class. Nothing restorative about it. Fold the blanket, buckle the strap, adjust the bolster, hang over a chair. Faggedaboutit. Shoulderstand in a chair made me very nauseous and I normally stay in shoulderstand for a minimum of 5 minutes. The only part I liked was savasana because I was done messing around with all those damn props.

I’m a vipassana person who is very accustomed to watching whatever comes up, all physical and emotional sensations. I don’t run from them. So I keenly observed what came up during class: “agitation is like this. examine it. where is it? it’s temporary, let it go, things will always change.” I have to admit that the class was good mind training.

My yoga behind closed doors is like this:

I play some cool music and start moving, flowing, feeling. Maybe I drop into yin asanas, maybe not. For me, there is stillness in motion and I treat the asanas as mere shapes and forms that are constantly changing and evolving.

So I think maybe that because I’m a meditator, because I treat my movement as a meditation, that I’m already there. That I don’t need to force myself to slow down for 90 minutes in a restorative class as some people do because…I’m already there.

My other thought is maybe just like there are certain pranayama techniques that affect each dosha differently (I was told at KYM that I should not do much kapalabhati), maybe restorative yoga affects some people adversely. Why not? Even good medicine can kill you if not taken in the correct way.

Or maybe it’s just because I’m a rebel yoga grrl who doesn’t like being told to fold that, tie the strap here, put that bolster there, now rest — even if it is not appropriate for your physical, mental, and energetic bodies to rest at that particular time. It offends my free spirit and it stifles me.

I’m going now. I have to meditatively move.

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