feeding my soul

Over the weekend I went to a talk on yoga psychology by Uma Krishnamurthy. She is a psychiatrist, a yogi, and an accomplished Bharatanatyam dancer. One of my favorite things that she said was not about yoga but about dance: if you are angry, dance. To help dissolve your ego, direct your anger to God, and dance. Then you will forget what you are angry about.

Uma quoted from the Gita, the Vedas, and the Yoga Sutras, from Ramakrishna and Aurobindo and Krishnamurthi. Her lecture on how yoga and the ancient teachings teach us about the true purpose of yoga which is personal transformation was so inspiring to me, yet I left her talk feeling a bit depressed.

Her talk made me feel as if I were in India again listening to my teachers at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram. Yet, I left depressed because I feel sometimes that I am the lone voice in the wilderness where I live insofar as getting the personal transformation message out there. I left with the feeling that I don’t belong here, that my ideas on yoga are too “out there.” The feeling that I don’t belong here is so overwhelming at times that it tears at my heart and soul. But that feeling also makes me grateful for my private students who come to my house because they are so dedicated to change and to their practice.

One of my former private students, a business entrepreneur, once told me that it’s hell being a pioneer, that it’s much easier being a follower because the pioneer is the one who gets the arrows shot up her ass. Take that advice for what it’s worth. I will write more later about Uma Krishnamurthy’s lecture.

I told my husband when I got home that the truth that is held in the ancient teachings that Uma spoke about was the reason I travel to India — it nourishes me like no other place does and I can’t explain it. This post comes the closest to an explanation.

I think I will put on some music and dance.

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